"Leave it alone and it'll take care of itself"
A disturbing new trend has recently surfaced across the nation. This apathetic new attitude strikes citizens regardless of age, gender or race. "We first discovered this new trend while studying census data." said Dr. Hank "Spanky" Madison, of the newly formed Department of Indifference Studies. Dr. Madison was also quoted as saying "DIS is good news, for the whole country - and hopefully DIS will prove to be the answer to all of our problems."
Although the experts are studying the problem intensely, one need look no further than their own backyard to see this apathy at work. Our first encounter with a victim of this new attitude wished to remain anonymous. His name: Ben Sharples, 42, of Detroit. In Mr. Sharples' own words "I've had this here genital rash for a couple days now... I figure I'll just give it a couple weeks and hopefully it'll take care of itself, and without that burning sensation like last time".
Another all too poignant example of the apathy gripping our nation is in the recent tragedy of the kidnapping, and subsequent murder of Samantha Goldstein. The daughter of billionaire cracker baron Ira Goldstein was abducted from her beach front home in February of this year. Despite repeated ransom requests from the kidnappers, Mr. Goldstein refused to even acknowledge that there was any problem. "The police said that if I remained calm and didn't make any rash moves that there was a good chance Samantha would live. So naturally, I assumed that if I completely ignored the situation and made no moves at all, her safe return was guaranteed."
When asked for comment government official said only that they were still studying the problem. Senator John Mackenzie went on record as saying "If we don't do anything to aggravate the situation it should clear itself up in no time. At this point I'm convinced that the worst course of action we could possibly take would be to take an active stance on trying to do anything, period."
