Man Cryogenically Frozen In Fifties Extremely Disappointed

Roger "Bud" Smith, the man who was recently unfrozen after almost 45 years in a cryogenic stasis chamber, has given the year 2000 a very uncharacteristic "thumbs down".

When he was first unfrozen, his first words were "Gosh! The dawn of the new millennium! I can't wait to discover what new and fantastic inventions the atom has granted us in this new era of peace!"

However, when he left the cryogenic building, typical fifties optimism gave way to a new, thoroughly unfamiliar disenchantment. "Where are all the flying cars?" he said, incredulous. "And what happened to all those keen decorative tail fins?"

This, however, was not the end of Roger's startling surprises. When he returned to his house, instead of a white picket fence and a meal on the table waiting for him, he found - nothing. His wife had left him years earlier, during the 1960s "free love" movement, to become a "hippie". "I'm not waiting for a popsicle to unfreeze himself and face a new vibe, daddy-o! I'm not into that freaky jazz" was written upon a dusty note pinned to the refrigerator.

Roger ran from his house and stumbled down the empty streets, acting as a vivid image of mindless conformity suddenly coming to face with a new individuality and diversity.

But it was the cars that most bothered Roger. "No rocket engines, no tail fins, a pathetic amount of chrome - what were you men of the future thinking?" he said later in an interview.

"Robot maids, commuting to the moon, vacations on Mars, atomic pencils: all of these are somehow absent. Why did you not harness the atom for good and put the good ol' American know-how and can-do spirit to solving all of the world's problems? Mister, I'm very disappointed" he said, donning his brown fedora one last time, and slowly walking home, head down.

Roger was last seen alone in his house, watching Pleasantville.

RN - All Content 2000.