NASA Unveils Earth's New
Asteroid Defence

Researchers at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced today that they had completed tests on our planet's new asteroid defense system, code-named "Atari."

The system is deceptively simple. A small triangular ship will be launched into the space surrounding Earth, where it will engage any and all asteroids it should encounter. Upon meeting an asteroid, the ship will fire until the asteroid breaks up into many smaller asteroids. It will then repeat the process, until only very small asteroids remain. NASA is confident that these asteroids, when shot, will somehow disappear.

NASA expects that, as time develops, more and more asteroids will appear, moving at faster and faster speeds. "The fate of Earth will rest upon the reflexes and hand-eye coordination of whatever brave pilot commands our Asteroids-ship," said NASA.

Besides avoiding collisions with the asteroids, the ship will also have to defend against the occasional flying saucer, which may take pot shots at the triangle-ship. Luckily, NASA has designed the ship with an "extra-lives" feature.

The advantages of the ship are many. For instance, NASA has designed the ship to include both infinite ammunition and fuel, which should be helpful in attempting to stop what is expected to be an endless attack of asteroids.

"It's as if there were no end," said one NASA scientist. "Every time we clear out the asteroids from the sector, more appear, only this time, they're harder to kill. I suppose it will be more a matter of getting the best 'high-score' than anything else."

Some scientists have pointed out that there is no evidence to support NASA's assumption that, should either the asteroids or the ship leave the confines of the sector, they will mearly reappear on the opposite side.

"Ludicrous!" said one scientist. "This whole project is insane! Have you seen their schematics? A poorly drawn triangle fighting what appear to be hollow, hand drawn asteroids? It's as insane as their 'Missile-Command' system!"

The system in question, implemented last month, is designed to defend major cities against alien attacks. The controversy surrounds the decision to build only two missile silos and to equip them with far too few missiles. NASA insists that it will rest upon the missle-commander to employ the strategy necessary to ensure that none of the attacking bombs hit our precious cities. Such strategies seem to be limited to hitting two attacking missiles with one defending missile.

RN - All Content 2000.