Naked Old Men Aren't Cool

By Eric, the Big "E"

When I was a young lad, I used to go swimming a lot, and it was really great. I'd get drives down to the SportsPlex, where I could swim hours and hours for practically nothing. It was really great! I got some exercise, and I scared the shit out of lifeguards by pretending I was gonna jump on people from the diving tower, or disappearing under the barrier between the pools so that they thought I was drowning. I'm stilling paying for some of the psychiatric bills for the lifeguards. All that fun ended when the naked old men came around...

It all started one day when I got out of the pool to dry off and change into my pants, so that I could go home. When I walked in there it was like some naked old men jamboree. I guess when you get old you lose all sense of shame, and you just feel like you can walk around naked, with your wang floppin' in the wind. These guys we're even talking to each other naked! What the hell kind of conversation can two naked old men have? "Hey, Bill! I heard you made a bundle on that AOL stock." "I sure did, Frank. By the way, you don't have any pants on." "Neither do you! Boy, what a crazy world!" Hell, I think there was even two naked old men playing chess together. Couldn't they just change and leave?

I tried to see where these naked old men were coming from. I guess in the olden days, like the cave man era, it was normal for guys to walk around naked. But then again, natural causes usually killed these people way before they reached old age. Perhaps this is nature's way of saying that old men shouldn't be walking around buck naked. Hey, old men, do you hear that? Maybe some people find old men attractive when they're naked, but I think these people are spoiling the world for that rest of us by encouraging the rampant nakedness of old men.

Sadly, when I told my sister that old men were walking around naked in the change room, she said that old women were also walking around naked in the women's change room. What the hell's with that? Just imagine if these shameless naked old men ran into the naked old women. There might be some horrendous senior orgy. Ah, my eyes, my friggin' eyes!!!!

Some people may think I'm picking on old people, and that I'm singling them out. That's because young people don't tend to walk around naked without shame, because we've yet to go senile. Plus, younger people are more attractive when naked. That's right, gramps, I don't need to see your wrinkly behind. Sure, you'll never hear me complaining about attractive women running around naked, but you'll probably not hear many complaints from other people, either. In fact, it's something I'd like to see on a daily basis.

In conclusion, thanks for spoiling the pool for me, you naked old men. I have replaced your Preparation-H with a compound that dramatically increases the size of hemorrhoids. Try swimming now, jerks!! Ha ha ha ha!!!

ED - All Content 2000.