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Both the literary world and the world at large were shocked last
Wednesday when Barnes and Noble Publishing released Lucy Mitchell's
"Oscar David" a 353 page paperback. When the last pages were reached,
rather than a summary
of what had come before in the book, or even a paragraph tying together
all the events or arguments that had previously been made,
the following words were observed. Please note
that these words - appearing in large type in the center of the page -
cast doubt over most everything once taken for granted; thus,
those suffering from weakness of the heart, falling fits,
or those sensitive to having reality questioned should
exercise discression:
THE END
(for now...)
Professor Arthur T. Quiller explains: "These few words cast a whole new
light on the nature of our world, and on books themselves. How can a
book, with a finite amount of pages, have an indefinite ending?
By what ungodly
mechanism could even the ending of one book be changed, altered to a
new design, let alone the endings of other 149 999 books in the
production run?"
Quiller extrapolates further. "Why, how could one maintain a library when
the contents of that library
were constantly in a state of flux? It would be unrestrained madness, and
I do not hesistate to say it would bring despair to both librarians and
those employ the librarian's services."
"This is no mere trick ending, no mere clumsy attempt at suspense. It is
nothing less than a full frontal attack on all we take for granted about
the properties of our books - and our universe."
But even more sinister, Quiller admits, is that this book
is a biography - a genre of books celebrated
for having certain and unchangable endings.
"What's most distressing is that this biographical work about
a man long dead," says Quiller, "seems to be pointing to the possibility
that he still walks amoung us. Could the author be trying to hint that
this David, once thought to be a rather second-rate oil magistrate,
actually have uncovered the secret to returning from the land of the dead?
And if so, has he become a mere zombie, or a vampyre?"
Other literary theorists agree.
"I feel certain that the mysterious words are not referring to the ending
of the book proper being changed, but rather, the ending of the Oscar
David's life." says collegue Lynd Ward.
"I also feel certain that none will be able to escape the wrath of his
undead powers." The undead typically enjoy such powers as brain eating, blood sucking, and that of hovering in mid-air by mechanisms yet unexplained.

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