Professor Science Responds: Actually, Michael, the B family of vitamins is more concerned with disease immunity and amino acids than skin and hair. Vitamin B-6 helps to produce hemoglobin, the protein in red blood cells. These cells help stave off infection and disease each and every day! If you want to learn more about vitamins, try taking a book out from your local library. It's a fun way to learn more about how your own body works!

Eric, the Big "E", Responds: So, Doctor, now you're gonna start bitching to me what this site doesn't have? "Wahhh, where are my vitamin B minerals?" I think I saw a report on 60 minutes about you mistakingly giving some guy breast implants. Listen, for a few bucks you can pick up some Flintstones vitamins, which taste like candy. Admittedly, to get any real benefits from them you'd have to eat like a whole bottle, but you can also have some fun by reenacting scenes with the massive variety of 4 characters. You could make a scene where the Fred chucks the Flintstone car at Wilma during a heated argument. "Yabba Dabba, kiss the ground, beyatch! Eat car!"

Yeah, think about it.

From: whoopwhoop
Subject: asldkfjlksjdf???
Message: He'll GET YOU ALL!@#!#!312313!@#!

Eric, the Big "E", Responds: Wow, that's really amazing!! You have the same method for writing e-mails as I do for writing essays. Fortunately, my essay entitled "eawyuhj3467543#@343?-234" garnered a whopping 93% thanks to the shoddy state of the Canadian education system. That, and I banged my TA. Or should I say...T&A?!? No, no I shouldn't.

From: sex surfer
Subject: a little tip
Message: Uh, this is a bit of a surprise. I only found this site because I was looking for the Playboy Mansion's site, and I just assumed that since that's a house full of wackiness and crazy goings-on, it'd be under the address "insaneabode". Not so, apparently.

But it's okay, because here I've found all the wackiness and crazy goings-on that I could have hoped for! Hugh Hefner's place has nothing that this place doesn't have. Well, there ARE the scantily-clad women... not too many of those around here. But I'm sure that's just a front, because judging from this Eric guy's "Big E" nickname, he shouldn't be having any problems meeting the ladies, am I right? Way to go, Big E!

So in short, you might want to change the site's address unless you want people to keep mailing in asking where all the Playboy bunnies are... just a little tip there. Or you guys can stick up some pictures of Playboy bunnies to shut everyone up -I certainly wouldn't be complaining! Right? Eh? Eh?

catch you on the porn sites,

sex surfer

Eric, the Big "E", Responds: It's true that if you're looking for all kinds of crazy high-jinks, you've got better place to look than Madhouse. We only don't show all the sexy things going on behind the scenes at Madhouse, cause we don't wanna make any of our readers jealous. They'd be like, "Why can't I get as many sexy babes as the Big E?" Well, I tell you why. It's because I have a big wang.

It's always a party going on around here with all these scantily clad babes running around, but they sometimes get in the way what I'm trying to write articles. One time, this babes thong got totally jammes up in my keyboard, and I could barely use half the keys, but who's complaining? One time, Hugh Hefner came over here, and he said, "Whoah, I've got to get out of here! I don't think my heart can take it!!! Back to the mansion." What most people don't know is that Hefner drives a Mansionmobile powered by 25 Playmates on unicycles. It has to be seen to be believed.

Pat PJ McPats Responds: Well, once those big Madhouse dollars start rolling in, we'll be sure to put some playboy bunnies on the payroll. For the time being you'll have to settle for some pictures from a 1987 Sears catalogue I found wedged under some plywood in my garage.

It's also pretty interesting to note that Seinfeld referred to "The Big E" as an enema, so Eric's nickname might not mean what you were expecting... Unless of course you were expecting a large quantity of liquid to be fired up your ass.

From: victor's #1 fan
Subject: victor
Message: Hey, Ryan's always talking about how he has this brother named Victor.... why doesn't Victor ever contribute to the page? Is there any time that Victor will be online so we can ask him questions? Like what's his favourite colour? What are his views on the E.Coli outbreak in Walkerton? Or even on Feta Cheese? and so on.

Thanks,
Victor's #1 fan

p.s. Victor's cool.

Eric, the Big "E", Responds: Oliver, if this is your way of hitting on Victor you're not fooling anyone. Victor's my bitch, and always will be. If I ever catch you talking to him, or looking at him a little too long, then I swear I'll cut your balls off and jam 'em in your eye sockets. I saw Victor on the phone yesterday, and I said, "Who are you talking to Victor?" and he said, "Uh...no one, I swear." Yeah, like I believed he was fuckin' talking to himself. So I wrenched the receiver from him hand and I heard you on the other line, and since you had forgotten to hang up I heard you say, "So, I hope it's still on for tomorrow night, Victor. I'll bring my metal-studded thong. Don't tell Eric! He'd kill us!" Well, I frigging heard you, and you are soooo dead!!

Ryan Responds: Ha ha. Yeah, I wish there were I higher Victor content on this page as well: I mean, why talk to Ryan when you can talk to Victor, right?

From: Nick Picnic
Subject: ahhhh
Message: I'm surrounded by ants!!!!!

Ryan Responds: This reminds me of a comic strip by Don Hertzfeltd, wherein the hero was surrounded by ants. It's called "I Am A Loud Man With A Very Large Hat". Course, it's no Wisdom Teeth.

From: Satan
Subject: Personal message to Eric
Message: Keep up the good work!

Eric, the Big "E", Responds: Thanks Satan. You'll find that I've gotten more people masturbating than ever before. My work here is done. Or should I say...my jerk here is done!! Ha ha ha, I said "Jerk" and I was referring to masturbation.