Confucious was a philosopher for most of his life. After his death, Confucious's teachings became very influential in Chinese culture, which in turn influenced neighbouring countries such as Japan. This is called "Confucianism". "Confucianism" is a major system of thought in China, and is concerned with the principles of good conduct, practical wisdom, and proper social relationships. It is not to be confused with "Confunkianism", which I hope is a band specializing in alternative-rock musics.
The problem with "Confuscious Say..." jokes are two-fold:
"Man who run behind car get exhausted."
"Man who run in front of car get tired."
"Boy who go to bed with sexual problem wake up with solution in hand."
"It take many nail to build crib, but one screw to fill it."
"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."
The words or phrases with the double-meanings are underlined to ease identification. With practise you will be able to identify them quickly enough to make your responses seem natural. Notice how when you contemplate the alternative meanings of these words, the sentences take on a new, humourous, aspect. Also, notice how the first two jokes deal with the same theme, an example of the powerful technique "repetition" - present in many forms of humour.
The advantage of Confucious jokes is that you can easily appear to understand the humour even when you do not. Since they almost exclusively2 deal with double-meanings, faking a laugh and repeating a key phrase in the joke (hint: it is usually the last clause) is usually enough to satisfy the person telling the joke that you are with it.
Alice:Confucious say... "Man who walk through airport turnstile backward going to Bangkok."